ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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