I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
