The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Two words: blizzard sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
