Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's shark week go big or go home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize