I think scott just propositioned me for sex
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
