He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
