I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
