um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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