After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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