Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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