yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
