On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
