You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
