I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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