i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
