I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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