Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
