I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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