we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
