i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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