I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
