Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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