My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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