dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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