i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm bleeding and have questions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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