I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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