he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
