puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
