She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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