i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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