I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
