peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
