I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
