Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
