HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
