man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
