porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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