we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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