I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
