I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
