O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
