You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
