sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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