there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
