i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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