If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
