my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
