We're like a lot better than the average bears
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
