god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
