We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
