it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
These tits shall not be calmed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
