call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize