I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
