I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
