$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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