Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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