I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
