Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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