He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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