May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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