I am in a vortex of obligation.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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