It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
