Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
