We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize