my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
