I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
