You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the raccoons are back...
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