piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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