I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
