The maid of honor just puked.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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