non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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