apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He felt like a one man threesome
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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