Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize