mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
